But Who'll Sarah Fee?

I hate you, George RR Martin. You are an evil, sadistic little man, aren't you?

First I had to go through Feast for Crows without my favorite characters. I actually thought they were going to be right around the corner up until the last page when - surprise! I find out they were moved to the next book. Okay. "No problem," I said. "I'll wait, Georgey Porgey. But it better be good."

But it wasn't. Oh, how it wasn't. (He made this girl cry.)

There seems to be a huge misconception that this is actually reading material, judging by how the average rating isn't 1 star.

How does someone start a series so magnificently and then deteriorate so magnificently quickly?

The problem here is that NOT ENOUGH HAPPENS. Phrases are repeated until you want to smash your book or reading device with a hammer. Tyrion keeps "taking a piss."

SPOILER ALERT? DOES IT MATTER? Tyrion spends the entire book just /traveling/ to where Daenerys is. At first you think, cool! Daenerys gets to meet Tyrion! But then you just forget that that was ever his destination. And Cersei? I think she got her comeuppance in this book, but really all I remember is where do whores go? You know nothing, Jon Snow. I'mma take a piss off the boat now.

This book was idiotic. I can just see Colfer's spurned lover/annoyed teenage kid/pet monkey laughing at this magnificent trick (s)he managed to pull. (Namely, writing a book in his name and publishing it.)

If you, like me, enjoyed the first installments in the Artemis Fowl world, and thought "oh, Artemis making a fool out of himself would be funny!"... Then boy, are you NOT in for a treat.

Everything, and I mean everything, comes off as contrived and stupid - no, moronic. Believe me. I might read the next one if I was feeling masochistic or hopeful, but honestly, I hope I don't. Whoops, I just puked over this whole review, and it still stinks less than the book.

After my first read:

Now, the book as a whole wasn't really that good in my opinion. I mean, it wasn't very memorable. Just something to read in between real books. I think the writing style made it seem that way; unmemorable. I changed my mind when I finished it.

The beginning was good, it went on alright, but then something went HORRIBLY wrong in the middle, maybe towards the end. Although I don't think I've seen/heard/read about the same lame mini-plot before, it seemed like I did. Lots of times. It was pretty hard to get through, and I couldn't stop asking myself WHY, WHY, WHY? I felt like my little sister was the one who was supposed to be reading it.

But THEN! The ending! The ending made it ALL worthwhile. I want you to read it, try to get through the sappy part, and you will hopefully be greatly rewarded.

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After my second read:

I'm recommending this left and right, people. Come to me for a book and I will buy you five copies of Mistborn. This book is amazing.

I loved this book. It started out in the middle of a mystery, went on with intriguing facts, and then ends... At the time, I thought it was a terrible ending, and it got me pretty mad. In retrospect, I think it's hilarious. All in all, the ending is forgivable when you look at the rest of the book.